


Moonlight

by nazyalenskyism



Series: Grishaverse Collection [7]
Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, Happy Ending, fluff?, post rule of wolves?, zoyalai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:56:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27615206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nazyalenskyism/pseuds/nazyalenskyism
Summary: Another night, just the same, but Nikolai isn't holding back anymore.
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov & Zoya Nazyalensky, Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky
Series: Grishaverse Collection [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1959739
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	Moonlight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [idiot 1 and idiot 2 for their help](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=idiot+1+and+idiot+2+for+their+help).



> Another Zoyalai fic, who could've imagined? I hope you like it, comments are always super appreciated and my tumblr is myruthlesszoya.tumblr.com if you ever want to send prompts or talk! <3

It had been a week since the monster had emerged again, leaving the Triumvirate to chase him across the countryside yet again, only this time something had been different. Ever since the fold, Nikolai had been able to control the demon, and they had worked together towards a common cause, but every night since they’d won the war-- since their enemies had been defeated and engagements broken off, the monster had been rearing its head, as if it wanted something Nikolai didn’t have. And so, a week ago, his demon had broken free, and Nikolai had stood by, unable to stop it until it had nearly been too late. He had almost caused irreversible harm to _her_. To _Zoya._ So here he was, pushing open the door to her chambers, something he would never have thought to do before this madness had happened. But it had been a week and he hadn't seen a trace of her in that time, and he was the king. A king who was done pining, done yearning, and who was here to try fix the rift that had overtaken the most important relationship in his life.

“Zoya, I’m…”

“I know.” He found her leaning over the terrace railing, back to him, the wind pulling back her silky hair to reveal her arm, bandaged from her collar to her wrist, a stark contrast against her silver netted nightgown. 

“I should have said something…”

“Said what, Nikolai? We both know how you are with words, what could you have possibly said to make this any better?” her voice was as stiff as her posture, a telltale sign that she wasn’t okay.

“Does it hurt?” he asked quietly, taking a step towards her. He wanted more than anything to reach out and push her hair back, to see her face and what she was feeling, to know how to fix this. But that was the problem, he always had hope that he could fix anything, but he didn’t know if he was capable of this— of bridging this gap between them. Guilt had been gnawing at him from the inside out for a while now, and yet somehow, the man of many words, Nikolai Lantsov, had been at a loss. This was the first time he’d brought up _the incident_ since then. He didn't try to apologize, the last time he'd tried that, she'd nearly killed him, and so instead he let go of whatever inhibitions he had left.

“No.”

He inched closer, “then why do you still have it bandaged?” he whispered.

“Just in case…” she breathed, her face still determinedly turned towards the horizon.

“Just in case…” Nikolai exhaled, slowly trailing his finger up her arm from her wrist, all the way across her collar, dancing up her neck to her opposite cheek, gently pushing her chin towards him.

She didn’t look up as he stepped even closer, but she didn’t turn her head away either. “Just in case.”

“Just in case of what?” His lips hovered by her ear, and he shivered when she tilted her head, his lips barely brushing over the crescent of her cheek. 

Her eyelashes fluttered, _‘what was he doing to her?’_ “Your highness.” 

As if he sensed what was about to happen, he pulled his head back, “yes?” 

“Leave,” she said, with lethal softness. It was the only way she could push the words out, the only way she could give herself a moment to breathe was if he left right now.

“Zoya--”

She closed her eyes, “leave, Nikolai. Now.” Cold air washed over her as Nikolai drew back, the sensation of his fingers trailing across her skin lingering for a second longer than he did, Nikolai taking the last bits of warmth away with him.

Zoya heard her door close gently, and she knew was alone on the balcony. She bent backwards over the railing as a clap of thunder echoed through the night sky, noticing how the distant lightning almost electrified her bones as usual, but not today. The rain began to fall, washing away the tears gathered in her eyes. Feeling chilled to the bone, she took a heaving breath as she realized that she was alone again.

She didn’t know how long she spent outside, she was so tired, not wanting to sleep but wanting a break. She wondered what it would be like, if she had given in, if she’d let herself and Nikolai be more brave. Zoya was on her knees now, her body too tired to stand. All she ever wanted to say when Nikolai left a room was, ‘ _come back,’ _but no amount of silent screaming would ever let her be heard by ears other than her own. She would live hundreds of lifetimes, but she didn’t think that she would ever feel this way again. Every breath in his presence felt like agony lately, but she didn’t want anything else. She wanted to spend her mornings arguing over herring, afternoons in meetings and teaching her students, evenings in front of the fire, writing correspondence and sharing her stories, finally hearing his. But he belonged to someone else, even if that person wasn’t known yet, one day Nikolai would be married to her and do all those things with someone who wasn’t Zoya. And she would have to accept that.__

__

__The sinuous thoughts winding their way through her mind, reminding her of all that she could never have were interrupted just as abruptly as they had begun. A sudden warmth engulfed her, and she realized a soft blanket was being draped over her shoulders as she ran her fingers ran over the king’s emblem lining the edges. “I thought I told you to leave,” she said hoarsely, eyes flicking up to Nikolai, while the king settled down next to her, arms wrapped around his knees._ _

__“And I did.”_ _

__“Yet here you are again,” she ground out._ _

__“Yet here I am again,” he replied. _'Why did he have to come back?'_ It was always harder to pull away when he came back. As if the Saints were determined to prove her point, Nikolai turned towards her, moonlight kissing the lines of his face, and Zoya longed to follow the outlines with her fingers, the hollow of his cheek, curve of his neck. She chided herself, those weren’t the thoughts of someone who was trying to create distance. But he made everything so hard, she’d tried to hate him, she’d tried to leave, she’d tried everything she could think of to prevent the inevitable disaster from happening, but tonight, she was too tired. She wanted to know, just once, what it would be like if she didn’t have to fight to keep each of her walls standing, wondered if it would give her peace._ _

__Zoya waited for a split second before she made up her mind. Before she could talk herself out of it, she shuffled over, until she bumped into Nikolai. He was quiet for a moment, then, so softly that she almost missed it, he spoke. “Stop shuffling around, Nazyalensky, otherwise the blanket is pointless.”_ _

__She scoffed, “you’re pointless.”_ _

__“Not your best,” he hummed. Nikolai lifted his hand, tugging the blanket securely into place under her chin, his fingers lingering for just a second too long. _‘To hell with it,’_ Zoya thought, and she leaned into him, her head resting on his shoulder, his arm curling around her almost instinctively._ _

__He paused again, “so, Nazyalensky...” he said, taking her hand in his._ _

__“Shut up.”_ _

__“Make me,” he taunted, raising their intertwined hands and pressing his lips to her fingers._ _

__“Don’t think that I won’t,” she warned._ _

__Nikolai raised an eyebrow, “is that so?”_ _

__Zoya surged up, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before resting her head back on his shoulder, imaging the dumbfounded look on his face._ _

__“That took you long enough,” he muttered._ _

__“Not long enough.”_ _

__Nikolai let out a laugh, pulling her closer, “how long are we planning on staying out here?”_ _

__“Until I feel like going inside.”_ _

__“When will that be?”_ _

__“Whenever you learn to shut up.”_ _

__“If that’s the case, I think we’ll be out here forever.”_ _

__“Shut up, your highness.”_ _

__“I quite liked it when you made me stop talking the first time. Perhaps you should do that again.”_ _

__Zoya rolled her eyes at him, as she tried to hide the amused smile curling at her lips. "I don't think I will." But for all her talk, in the end, she did._ _


End file.
